All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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