just come out here and I will go home with you...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
