i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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