Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
