So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
