How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not ubering you a puppy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
