I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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