All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
