I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
