New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
