8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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