you didnt know i had herpes?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
