I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
