end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
