Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
