I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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