Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
