Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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