i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
