he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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