i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
