When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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