who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
