Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
