I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
