He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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