once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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