Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
