FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
