i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
