I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
