i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
