the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
