Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want her autograph on my taint
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
