I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
