i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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