I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
