I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
