There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
