You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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