I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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