People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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