My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As shirtless as possible
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
