i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
