just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
