I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
