I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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