Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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