great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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