I'm drive I can fine osifer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
