I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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