I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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