He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
