You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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