i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
