How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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