Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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