Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
