My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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