What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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