anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The ass gains better be worth it
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