Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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