if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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