I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
