i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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