when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
